Six Sentence Sunday (11/20/11) – #sixsunday

Thanks to everyone who came by last week, despite my apparently inability to count to six (the entry only had 5 sentences and got cut from the list of links).  I’ve done my best to be certain I didn’t make the same mistake this week.

This week’s entry comes from the end of the first chapter of Blood Dreams. Chris just arrived home and discovers someone broke into her townhouse. He’s invisible, but taunting her into a practice brawl.

     “Show yourself, you piece of crap.”
     The air in front of her swirled, mist heretofore unseen coalesced and just like that, there he stood. Just a smidge taller than she, swimmer’s lean physique wrapped in a three-piece navy suit sans jacket, topped with an angel’s too-pretty face, the Bloody Baron smiled pleasantly enough with his hands thrust in his vest pockets. Blond hair, impeccably combed into place, brushed his forehead just above brilliant green eyes that could alternate between passion and ice in less than a blink. He smiled, showing his fangs. “Always a pleasure to see you too, Chrissy.”


Well, that’s it. Thanks for coming. Please, check out all the other wonderful entries by visiting the official
Six Sentence Sunday website. Have a great week!

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22 Comments

  1. Nice six, Tory! The Baron comes through very clearly–the face of an angel, the name (and the fangs) showing beauty is not necessarily the mark of goodness. I like that contrast, because the fact that you've made him an anti-stereotype gives the character much more depth. I also like the three-piece suit–tells us a lot about him. My only suggestion would be to rephrase the part of him having his hands in the vest pockets. In my experience, a hand (especially a masculine one) doesn't fit comfortably into a vest pocket–they're too small. Since you're aiming (I think) for nonchalance as his attitude, the image of his hands literally stuffed into these small pockets threw me. But it's an easy fix: just change it to him hooking his thumbs into the vest pockets and–taah-daah! Nonchalance intact :)Hope this helps. It's only a suggestions, so feel free to discard if you don't agree or if I completely missed the point 🙂 I do that, a lot ;)Happy Sunday!

    Like

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